To The Guy Who Broke My Heart

It may not have been a happy ending for us. But many ask why? Why do two people who are completely inlove with each other cannot have a happy ending just like all fairytales do? Why can’t it be just as easy as that? But seriously, it wasn’t that easy at all for me that time.

Let’s just name him Sam. (I can’t think of any name that could be as easy as Sam.)

When I was in college, I have always imagined that I would get to meet The One. I mean, well, as a preteen who loves to watch all those movies like practically all of Hilary Duff’s movies, Ella Enchanted, What A Girl Wants, and all those other movies wherein a jock falls in love with a nerd, etc, I believed that someday I would experience that. I mean, I was a nerd way back in college. I wear tomboy clothes (with matching round – rim glasses and perfectly not straight teeth) and looking back, fashion is like my worst enemy ever. Actually, my mom saw through that. Mom was a fashionista herself in her college days and everyone admired her and she had lots of suitors and all. She was always telling me that I look weird with my outfit so she would constantly buy me clothes that fit her taste. Yeah, sure, I wear them. But not all the time.

Anyways, in our class, there are only two or three real guys out there. Medical Technology is like the course for all the women and feminine – like in the boys population. So in our class, not all boys are real boys. (You get what I mean. My boy classmates are either gays or feminine – like) Realizing it, I was a bit frustrated because I won’t be able to meet The One. (Haha)

So in class, I don’t interact so much with guys. I stick with my girl friends and just like that. However, one guy particularly got my attention. His name was Sam.

Sam was like the ‘bad guy’ in class especially when his best friend, John (not his real name) was his partner in doing stupid things. The reason why Sam got my attention is because I hated him so much for being so noisy when I study, for being so loud when expressing his thoughts and opinions and for being such a womanizer. It was then that one of my girl friends, a tomboy, got to be acquainted with Sam and John. Oh no, TWO of my girl friends got acquainted with them. (Just wanna say that my association with my three girl friends that time was amazing. We were like a fruit salad. There was Sandy, the tomboy; May the shy and quiet girlfriend of a boy from his high school; and Roma, the party – goer and strong drinker; and then there was me, the nerd and ugly. Perfect mix, right?) Sandy and Roma loved hanging out with Sam and John after class. The reason why I don’t go out with them that time is because my mom wanted me at home after school and the reason why May doesn’t want to go out with them as well is she has her love life to tend to. So whenever we have our classes, Sam, John, May and Roma would get so noisy and talk about some silly stuffs that I can’t relate to because obviously, what they have been talking about was their topic whenever they hang out after class.

This went on for some time until Roma told me that I should hang out with them after school so that I can get to know Sam and John. Sensing that my friendship with Roma and Sandy might go down the drain if I don’t go out with them at least one, I agreed.

So one day, we had our lunch at a small open restaurant just near our school. I immediately adapted to their silly conversations because they were really funny. It was then John let out a cigarette and lit it. I was shocked but the others seem not to mind. You see, I hate to see people who are smoking. And when I’m near them, I felt like I can’t breathe from the smoke. So that time, when John was blowing smoke right at my face (because he was sitting directly in front of me), I coughed obscurely. No one noticed of course, but shockingly, Sam did. He smiled at me and said to John, “Hey John. Maybe you might take that swing outside?” John looked at him incredulously. But he shrugged and followed as what had asked of him. I smiled back at Sam and practically… that was the start of our friendship.

My girl friends and I enjoyed much of Sam and John’s company. Until it came to a point when Sam and I had our small talks. Our small talks turned to something that we miss everyday and the need to talk without distraction made us want to hang out with just the two of us. Though we had so many differences, this did not hinder us from being friends.

Time passed by, and as what one would expect from college, every one is subjected to change. And I, myself, realized that I was changing too especially when my two girl friends Roma and Sandy shifted courses and that left me and May. But May and I haven’t had the chance to be as close as I was with Sandy and Roma because May was too focused on her boyfriend to the point that she got pregnant. I don’t know why, but things started to change between us and it came to a point where we don’t talk to each other anymore except for “hi” and “hello”.

Then I met some friends who became my friends until now. Sam and John are still my good friends though but we seemed to have less hang outs than the usual. Sam had a girlfriend then (which kinda disturbed me at that time but I don’t know why).

Until our course started to get harder and harder as we progress to second year. I have noticed that Sam wasn’t taking it too well and he had lots of failures. At first, I was like, “oh let him handle that.” But there was one time, when he went to me and told me of his predicament. He was indeed having a hard time with his studies and he was scared to let his father know about it. That talk, kinda rekindled our first talks where we got so comfortable with each other and we share to each other our feelings and problems as well. And then it happened. I thought I have feelings for him.

Of course, I didn’t let him know about it. I didn’t even entertain that thought. But it got too far when he… actually joined my clique.

At first, my friends didn’t really want him in because he’s cocky but I told them that I like him to be my friend. Then it continued, him with my group of friends but not to the point of abandoning John and his other high school friends.

And the inevitable happened. Our affection for each other wasn’t like that of friends. He became very close with me. He broke up with his girlfriend. Then he was always with me wherever I go. And whenever me and my friends go out for a karaoke just near our school, he was there. And that’s where it started to happen.

It was one of me and friends’ karaoke sessions and he was there as well. It was my turn to sing and I chose Please Be Careful With My Heart. In the middle of the song, during the male part (which I intended to sing anyway), Sam took the microphone and sang. I was so shocked. I mean, he wasn’t into this as what I have viewed him. But he sang! My friends cheered. Then suddenly, he took my hand while singing. My friends cheered more and I felt my heart skip. I slowly took my hand away from his hand but he gripped it and squeezed it softly. I gave him my “what are you doing?” look and he just smiled. And that was our first duet.

It was then that I realized, that maybe this is going to be the start of something new for me. Maybe I was in love. Because I have all these feelings for him.

But though I have these feelings, he still flirt with other girls. Knowing that, I had my first heartbreak. And my first cry because of a heartbreak.

Time passed by again, he continued flirting with other girls. I even saw him open his car door for the girl who’s holding a bouquet of flowers. Again, it made me cry. It made me think that it was so stupid of me for feeling things that I was not supposed to.

Then yahoo messenger got popular that time. (well, it was popular way back but in my time, well.) He told me that we don’t have any time to talk to anymore because we got busy. Well, I think he was busy with his new girl, but I held my tongue. Then we started chatting. Everyday.

Until the time came when he stopped courting the girl. He was totally free, I should say, because he started hanging with me and friends again as often as he had before.

Our friendship got deeper and deeper. My friends noticed our closeness and they tease us for that. Sam was very well pleased actually but I was the one with the “oh no, we are just friends.”

One very moment that started our friendship to a new level was when we were studying at our classmate’s house. It was a fun group study but during our break time, we would just simply have our small talks incorporated with review questions. Well, I was always the one who ask the questions.

Then all of a sudden, he started blurting out things that I wasn’t prepared for.

“I think I don’t deserve you.” He said sadly.

I stopped looking for another question from my book. I stared at him blankly.

“What?”

“I said I don’t deserve you. So no matter what happens, you have to save yourself.” He said in his saddest tone.

“What are you talking about?” I said. But I seriously know, well, kinda know what he was talking about. I very much believe that he’s talking about me – falling for him. And this, made me so very embarrassed thinking that I did really appear so transparent to him.

But despite of it all, our feelings seem to have no way to conceal themselves. We fell in love, yes. We had a great time. We were happy. For a short time, anyway.

Until something happened.

*to be continued*

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